Winter Sun
"Look, Simba. Everything the light touches..."
A chain of thought.
Apathy. Lack of interest, lack of excitement. Numbness. Thoughts and feelings that weigh heavy in the soul of everyday existing. Questions. What am I doing? Where am I going? What is the point? Analyzing. What will they think of me? What do I think of me? If I just had this, looked like that, lived right there. Selfishness. So many needs of others that I cannot help yet I seem to help none at all. Disappointment. Why? Disappointed that I doubt once again. Pray. I can't. Read. I can't. Well, I can- I don't want to. Why don't I want to? Answers. I know, I know, I know- or do I? Pride. It corrupts what is good. I am like the Children of Israel (who I thought were silly as a child) and I forget that God will always provide. He has and He will though it be in ways that I don't understand. It is for me to believe, to trust.
The sun is there even when I've forgotten its warmth. May my trust be more fixed than the changing seasons.
Sufjan's new album, beautiful.